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Uff yeh Feelings 4
Reading the text Isha got tensed, she felt suffocated, Tanu didn’t get angry hearing the truth? Not even sad? ‘May be he didn’t show it to Tani, I should talk to him once’, she thought. She was just going to call him; her mother came in with the tea.
“Isha, I wanted to talk to you since long, what are you planning next? Your father is worried about you dear; soon you will be in 12th, the most precious year. Do you want coaching etc, do tell us, ok.”
“Maa, I am still unsure, you know it well I chose maths just because papa wanted me to, but I am not sure I can handle engineering, it would be 4 years, will I be able to do it?” she asked with doubt.
“Of course you can, you don’t know how capable you are, beta trust yourself.” Her mother replied looking at her.
Isha felt a little more pressurized. No, her mother wasn’t pressurizing her instead she was trying to boost her up but Isha felt bit burdened with expectations, as she always have felt. It was only Tanu, Tani and Pihu who use to understand what she felt, but at that moment, she didn’t felt like discussing it to anybody. As she finished her tea she went back to her room and dialed Tanu’s number.
“Hey Ishu, doing what?” Chirped Tarun from the other side.
‘Tani was right, Tanu was not upset or sad, strange!!’-she thought.
“You talked to Tani?” she asked.
“Yeah…and why did you give her my number haan? Well thank you, I am so happy, we talked for the first time.” he was sounding too happy.
“What? Aren’t you feeling bad? She didn’t told you anything about Sahil?” Isha was still shocked.
“Yes she did, so what, I am ok with it. And by the way, I can guarantee you, distance relationships don’t work. And you know, she told me she loved my voice over call, she also found me funny and she even said she now sees a good friend in me. Can you imagine Ishu, just one phone call and she said we can be good friends, I am so hopeful again.”
“Tanu? You don’t have any problem with Sahil? And she said all this or are you really making it up all?”
“No yaar, sacchi she said all this. Oyee ruk, I am getting her call on waiting, talk to you later… bye” and with that he disconnected without even waiting for her response.
What was happening? Isha could not figure out whatever was happening was right or wrong. Her head ached due to constant thinking and then she decided to take a step back, for a while and just watch what was further to come.
Days passed by gradually and now the three of them use to hang out together at school as a group. After the eleventh class exams ended, they joined coaching for entrance exams and used to study together in groups for the most precious year of school life, 12th standard. Isha was dying every day seeing Tani and Tanu getting close to each other but there was actually nothing she could do about it. She would try her best to keep busy in studies at school and coaching. But when the three of them would go for an outing, it would become unbearable for Isha. She would make excuses to not go for coffees, birthday treats, movies just to avoid seeing them both getting cozier with each other. Tani and Tanu seemed so happy together that Isha use to feel left-out at times and jealous too. It felt like Tani and Tanu were love birds and Isha was just the odd one out between them but she never complained because it was her own decision, she forced Tani to like Tarun, she gave Tarun a ray of hope about Tani, so when they were happy together now, how can she complain about it even. She chose to suffer silently, Isha was changed a lot. Only Pihu knew what Isha was going through,
“Focus on studies, its 12th.” She would say to Isha because she was scared that all this may affect her studies badly.
“Yes Pihu, that is what I am doing, but sometimes I am unable to control this feeling, I feel like someone had thrown me into a deep swamp and I am drowning in it, more and more with each passing day. I just wish to put an end to this. I feel guilty that I am not happy for my best friends, I feel mean and selfish but on the other hand I feel unlucky. Couldn’t I be in place of Tani? Tarun never felt anything for me in so many years but in just a year he is so close to her, I don’t even exist for him now.” And she would break down at times and cry her heart out to Pihu. Pihu would calm her, listen to her and prayed for her. But she too was helpless.
Days, weeks, months passed similarly and came their pre-boards. On the other hand all of them were excited as school life would be over and a new phase of life would start but on the other hand they were sad about losing years of friendship, going away from friends. Isha was happy that soon it will all be over and she won’t have to see Tani and Tanu everyday and she won’t get hurt but her heart was fearful of losing friends, of never being able to see Tarun. Soon pre-boards got over, and farewell for 12th class was organized by the school. Everyone was quite excited for it, but Tani was the most excited.
“Hey I am thinking to buy a pink sari. What color would you wear?” she asked Isha.
“Haven’t thought yet and I don’t understand why are you so excited about it? I am so scared and nervous about exams, and also upset for leaving the school.”Isha said getting sad.
“Oh! C’mon yaar. Aren’t you excited? I am really looking forward to enter college life yaar, and about missing school? I am never going to miss the teachers or the principal or the class not even classmates. I will just miss you and Tarun and would wish and pray we get into the same college somehow. And even if it does not happen, I am not going to leave you both guys so easily. We will be in touch and will stay connected through phones, chats online, social networking sites and mails ok???? There is no such big deal about it yaar, I am still in touch with my old school friends.” she was her usual “cool” self.
“And what about you and Tanu? How will you people manage this distance relationship?” Isha held Tani’s hand.
“We are NOT in relationship, you know it! How many times I am supposed to say this, we r just good friends and nothing else.” Tani replied with irritation.
“O, really? So for whom do you want to good look? Isn’t pink Tanu’s favorite? Seeing him sick, I have seen you cry, why is it? Tani I know you two love each other than why are you not admitting it? It’s been a year, and we all know it, whole school knows it but only you two don’t want to accept it. It’s a last chance Tani, propose him on our farewell day, please, it’s hard to lose your love, you will realize when you will actually lose him. I know it because I never told that guy and then one fine day I lost him. The pain of losing my love kills me every day. I have been through lot of pain and I don’t want you to undergo the same pain, propose him and be with him. He loves you, you love him and it’s so perfect. Why can’t you see it?” Isha said with eyes full of tears, Tani looked at her and tears trickle down her eyes, she hugged Isha and sobbed.
“Ishu, I am stuck between Sahil and Tanu. Since a year I am trying to figure out what I want but I am still not sure. I am unable to give Tarun my 100% as a friend, as a lover because I don’t want to cheat over Sahil, I don’t want to hurt him, and neither do I want to hurt Tarun, I know he loves me a lot. But I am scared, I am confused.” She confessed between the sobs.
“Tani, you are confused but I can see it. You don’t love Sahil, because if you did, you won’t have fallen for Tanu. A person cannot fall in love with two people at the same time with same intensity and you too know it you care for him more than you do for Sahil. End it all with Sahil, both of you already fight so much and then start a fresh chapter with Tanu. You will be happy together, I can assure you, you want him and he wants you, nothing can be better than this. Tani started to cry out loudly, all what she had been holding in, came out, they both held each other, comforting each other.
“I love you Isha. These two years of our friendship means so much to me, I am going to miss you so much. Thank you for being there always, like a friend, guide and a sister.” Tani said caressing her hairs, Isha nodded and whispered “I love you too”.
Wasn’t Isha a brave soul? Keep reading to know what happens next.
To Be Continued..
A lot like love talks about tales knit around various emotions and centre of which is love and related feelings of attachment, friendship, hope and other delicacies. Column is being published every Wednesday on BuddyBits.com.