There are like seven people in Gujarat who don’t go to terrace to fly kites during Uttarayan. And I am one of them. I know the number is not accurate, but it’s pretty close. Today, I am going to describe what exactly we, non kite flyers, go through during this kite flying extravaganza. Read on.
1. Just another Sunday.
All 6.25 crore Gujaratis wake up at 6 am sharp, prepares for the kite flying, while a non kite flyer is sleeping his ass off. It is just another Sunday in the life of a non kite flyer. Yea. They will wake up around 10-11 in the morning when ‘DJ Wale Babu Mera Gaana Chala De’ is playing on some terrace with people shouting ‘Kai Po Che’, ‘Lapet’, etc.
2. DJ Wale Babu Mera Gaana Chala De!
Yea. Tell me about it. You hear all kind of non-sense Bollywood item songs all day long. And not only that, if you live in a raw-house, prepare your mind and ears to listen to 17 different item songs simultaneously (at the same damn time). Yup! It is compulsory for everyone to get their own surround sound system.
3. Movie/ Series Marathon
You don’t fly kite that doesn’t mean you’re going to work or study during Uttarayan. You’re also going to make the most out of holidays. And on the roads filled with kites, threads and kite looters, what more can you do except sitting in your room watching your favorite movies or series back to back? I usually watch Friends. (Not only in Uttarayan though. I watch it all 365 days a year.)
4. Electricity, are you kidding me?
Those threads are not just harmful to birds and animals (including human), but also to the cables that carries electricity. Yes. Power failures occur like 231 times in two days. Which means, no TV, no WIFI. Being a non-kite flyer, you have to be prepared for this. If you don’t have permanent power backups, charge your laptop, charge the power bank, charge your phones, and charge every other thing you can.
This point has a plus point too. All 17 item songs are gone. *evil smile*
5. Undhiyu Puri
I don’t fly kites that doesn’t mean I don’t like Uttarayan special delicacies. Surti Undhiyu- Puri, Chikki, Tal Na Laadu, Ponk-wada are seasonal dishes. You are not going to have them round the year. It’ll come only once in a year, that too for a week or two. So you’ll see non kite flyers unite with kite flyers just two times during Uttarayan, lunch time and dinner time.
6. The ‘Kai Po Che’ logic.
I’m a lazy ass. If I’ll ever do mehnat of flying a kite, I would not want it to be cut so soon. Kite fight might be exciting, but it also has 50% chances of your kite getting cut. I mean, who’d like to do that mehnat of flying the kite all over again. (6.25 crore Gujaratis minus seven to be precise.)
7. The Kite Looters
Ok. I was (very carefully with eyes wide-open) going on my bike somewhere (most probably to get some food). I was being enough cautious about the kite threads and all of a sudden bunch of kite looters came on the road out of nowhere. *Surti Slangs* I mean come on, if you don’t think about your life, think about mine. I could’ve gone to jail for the accident that might’ve happened. (I know, this is a bit rude. But when will people be sensible enough to not put their lives on risk for few hundred rupees?)
8. Eat. Watch. Sleep. Repeat.
If you’re a Gujarati living in Gujarat, Uttarayan is not just one day affair. It runs for two days. 14th and 15th January. While majority of Gujaratis get just two days to spend on terrace flying kites, couple of non kite flyers get around 1,72,800 seconds to eat, to watch movies, to sleep. Eat, watch, sleep, repeat may not excite you. But it is a heaven for non kite flyers.
9. Missing Out on the Fun.
Sometimes we feel we are missing out on so many things. Like cousins, friends, families gathering on the terrace; flying kites, chit chatting, eating and having fun. And you are sitting somewhere in the house staring at your laptop watching series to make yourself feel better! You may not like flying kites, but you surely regret it for couple of minutes (savage) during the festival.
10. The sky at night!
We may not like flying kites, but this what we live for. After the sun has set, the sky is filled with lanterns. It may not be good for the environment and it may have caused couple of fire accidents too, but you just cannot resist the sky filled with colorful lanterns. How often do you see a sky filled with lights like that?
Now that I have wasted four and a half minutes of your life, I would also like to tell you this. Whether you are a kite flyer or a non-kite flyer, whenever you see an injured bird or animal, immediately call helpline. A call may not mean anything to you. But your call can help a daddy or mommy bird meet their baby birds who are waiting for them to return home. One call can save more than one life. Here is a list of bird helpline numbers.
Add your views in comments. Wishing you a very happy Uttarayan.