Imtiaz Ali. The man, known for his curly and unconventional ideas, is now a celebrated director with few record breaking successes to his name. We know him for his heart winning movies and thought provoking plots. Most of you really love him and his work.
But here’s my deal. I hate him. And I have legitimate reasons too. Here are seven of them.
1. Because No, this is NOT a love story.
So what happened to our evergreen old love formula?
Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, drama.. with frequent ingredients such as love triangles and angry parents, family ties, sacrifice, corrupt politicians, kidnappers, menacing villains, and convenient coincidences. That’s it, our perfect love story.
But Imtiaz Ali had to spoil everything. He makes movies of self love and self discovery, of love as a spiritual and existential act, of loving and appreciating life and, calls them love stories. NOT COOL.
2. Indian locations
I mean come on? Don’t we Indians drool over exotic foreign locations? While this man, with some rare brilliance and conviction; beautifully portrays the changing terrains of our own country!!
I mean; whatever!! Why can’t he stick to what every other Bollywood commercial films are always busy doing.
Find an exotic foreign location. Game up the glam factor. Do business. Because, who said movie-making is an art? Hah!
3. Mysterious
Now it’s no hidden fact that we are all weary of mysterious men. Imtiaz Ali happens to be one of the most mysterious directors of our time. He has his own way of presenting ideas and oh God isn’t he full of satisfying surprises?
But hey! We hate surprises, don’t we?
4. Storytelling
No offence, but all of Imtiaz Ali’s movies are raw and classic storytelling. Are you kidding me? Do we look like we care about stories? It is entertainment and masala that we are after. He really needs to put a full stop on all this Tamasha and stop pretending to be a Rockstar.
5. Femi NAHI sm
The women of his films have followed their own journeys! WHAAAT?! His women are given just as much independence to navigate life, and love, as his men. WHYYY (??)
Aren’t they supposed to devote their life into bringing happiness and comfort in the lives of their respective men? Duh!
6. Ye Kya DIALOGUES Hai?
For years, Indian Cinema has famously produced dialogues like DIALOGUES. Now, what is it with Imtiaz Ali? Why did he have to change that!? His dialogues are less DIALOGUES and more REAL, they’re so much more like us. It almost feels like the protagonist is one of us.
In fact it’s like something that we’d have said ourselves. Either pay me or stop using my dialogues, okay?
7. Reality check, what!?
Imtiaz Ali writes his own movies and his script is all about slice-of-life realness and about the character’s internal conflicts. But oh please, we don’t want to be able to connect ourselves with movie characters.
Please give us those perfect, dreamy, mouth watering characters that solve their problems with hands on their belt or simply with a thumka. YEAH!!
Get it? GET IT? I totally hate this man. He may be a Rockstar. He may be the king of Tamasha. He may offer you Cocktail the way tumne ‘socha na tha’. But I just hate him.
And I’m definitely going to tell him everything if and JAB WE MEET, maybe while driving ‘Aahista Aahista’ on some love struck HIGHWAY.
Okay bye!
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